Brunch Advice

Brunch is my favorite meal of the week. The classic dilemma, sweet or savory, is always the toughest menu decision for me, and I’m an indecisive person in the first place. DC is a great city for brunch. Every place has their own version of the meal–Southern style at Saint Ex, crunchy and California at Dos Gringos, irresistable bagel sandwiches at Heller’s.

While brunch lends itself to long, languorous weekend mornings and afternoons spent drinking coffee and reading Sunday newspapers–some of my favorite weekend activities–the meal is not compatible with dating. In fact, a brunch date is a great way to ruin a superb meal.

A Sunday brunch date is a bad sign. There is nowhere for the date to progress from brunch. This is advice that should be included in the book He’s Just Not that Into You (more on this staggering work of heartbreaking mediocrity later). As in “If it’s hard to get him on the phone, and then he suggests brunch, he’s probably just not that into you.” Because, according to the gospel of HJNTIY, if he isn’t thinking about seeing you naked, then he’s just not that into you. And it’s hard for him to think about seeing you naked when it’s Sunday brunch and there’s no clear opportunity for advancement ahead.

I don’t date a lot, so my sample size on this experiment is a grand total of two. But each time brunch has been a bad sign for the future of the dating experiment.

This man, from DC Craigslist, ought to reevaluate his strategy:

sunday brunch – 22

Hey ladies I would love to go out to brunch with a very sweet and smart girl. I am very kind and loyal. If you are interested, send me an email! I hope to hear from you soon.

I’m sure he’s a very sweet man, and to be sure, brunch is at least an innocent way to go on a random date with very little expectation. But why not coffee? It’s not necessary to commit a whole meal to something you’re just not sure about. As a high school history teacher once told me, “A meal is an intimate experience to be shared with someone who’s company you know you enjoy. I wouldn’t go to dinner with just anyone, since having that kind of conversation is a major commitment, and there’s so much potential to ruin the meal.”

Ditto for brunch. Unless it’s just coffee and a pastry. In which case you were probably better off just having the coffee anyway. Or going out for drinks and cutting the awkwardness by a factor of gin and tonic.

Bottom line: Sunday brunch is only an acceptable romantic encounter if it’s a continuation of the preceding night’s activities.

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3 Responses to “Brunch Advice”

  1. Derek Says:

    I don’t see why there’s “no clear opportunity for advancement” at brunch. Indeed, the afternoon is a perfectly acceptable hour for romance. As a wise man once said, “Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight. Gonna grab some afternoon delight. My motto’s always been ‘when it’s right, it’s right’. Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night? When everything’s a little clearer in the light of day. And we know the night is always gonna be there any way.”

  2. Albert Says:

    Wow… have you looked at Amazon’s “Customers who bought this item also bought” for HJNTIY?

    Also, whenever all y’all come back to California (provided I’m still here), I think there’s potential for a pretty awesome debate on brunch v afternoon delight.

  3. Nellie Says:

    Sure there might be potential for romantic activity on a Sunday afternoon, but for a first date? I agree with Robin’s teacher; brunch is just too good to be shared with a stranger.

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