You know what they say about DC cabbies…

Well forget what you’ve heard and listen to this. Somewhere around 15th and Euclid tonight my cab driver pulled over to pick up two other male passengers. After much insisting on my part that they were not “cute” and that we could certainly do better, and finally the men’s rejection of my cabbie’s offer to ferry them to their destination, we pressed on.

He then honked at a woman crossing the street who held an “impeach him” sign. He told me he agreed with the sign (and obviously was not honking at the woman in her revealing tank top and slinky sarong), so I reminded him that if we impeached Bush we’d be stuck with Cheney.

“Impeach them both!” Ok, I said, then impeach them both.

“I try not to kill anyone on Wednesdays,” he told me. “If I can go a day every week without killing, so can he. No killing in Iraq, Afghanistan, Philistine. It doesn’t have to be Wednesday. Friday, or Sunday is fine, too.” My cabbie spoke very good English.

“Do you take Wednesdays off from killing, too?”

Umm, excuse me? Is this some kind of sarcastic/ironic game we’re playing sir? Instead, I said, “Oh no, I never kill anyone on Wednesdays.”

As we neared my house, he treaded into territory previously unknown to me: “How many people have you killed?”

Please let this be some kind of sarcastic/ironic game we’re playing, sir. Instead, I went with the old standby: “No, I try not to kill people ever, actually.”

“Oh, well, how did you feel in school when you got a zero?” I was being admonished by my cabdriver for never having touched another person in a violent and lifethreatening manner. “Or in basketball, when you don’t score any baskets?”

This was the point at which I admitted it felt awful to get a zero or never score points. It was also the point at which I pointed him to a house three doors away from my own, asked how much, handed him my twenty, and ran away as fast as I could.

As I hopped up my stairs, I heard him say, “You really should try it sometime. Not on a Wednesday, but sometime…”


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