Altarcations

The Gawker feature that runs every Monday scores the New York Times weddings, which, let’s be honest, are the best argument for a subscription to the Sunday Times. The Altarcations section has quickly become one of my favorite items on the internet, second only these days to I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER and Dinosaur Comics.

This past Tuesday, the Times ran an article about the start-up company of Ann Wojcicki, Sergei Brin the Google co-founder’s new wife. The story ran half like the Tech section item it was supposed to be and half like a wedding announcement in the Sunday Styles.

Given that Gawker missed scoring their wedding, I thought I might tally it myself, so here it goes:

*Anne went to Yale: +2
*Sergei dropped out of Stanford grad school…: -2
*…to start Google: +3
*Google invested millions in bride’s biotech start-up: +2 for the biotect start-up, -1 for nepotism
*Bride attended Palo Alto High School: +1
*Bride’s father is chair of physics at Stanford: +1
*”The couple met after Ms. Wojcicki’s older sister, Susan, now a Google vice president, sublet the garage of her house in Menlo Park to Mr. Brin and his partner, Larry Page, 34, for their search-engine start-up.”: +5 (for a typically sickening Silicon Valley story of garage-living geeks who hit it big and get the girl)
*Bride played on ice hockey team at Yale:-1
*The couple live in a “quiet residential neighborhood” in Palo Alto: -1 for “spurning the usual trappings of great wealth” (what would the Vows column editor say??)
*Wedding guests were told only to show up for a plane ride on Google’s jet. The plane then flew to a private island in the Bahamas, where Mr. Brin and Ms. Wojcicki swam to their wedding on a sandbar, he in a black swimsuit, she in a white one: +10
*They didn’t announce their wedding in Sunday Styles: +100

Total: 119

Here’s a question: what would the Gawker points system look like tailored for Silicon Valley?

Of course you’d get extra points for founding a successful start-up, negative points if your start-up flopped. Points for working at Google, Facebook, Yahoo, or Apple. Points for meeting at Stanford or Berkeley, extra points for both being engineers/computer scientists. Points for being from the Peninsula or South Bay or having tech executive parents. Plus one if father is a tech executive and mother is a private school teacher. Points for having a creative, adventure, or destination wedding a la Mr. and Mrs. Brin. Points for getting married in Napa or Carmel.

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